Pull my finger

Some of you are going to be soooo offended. But in this family farts are funny.

Invite an 8 year old boy to watch this with you and witness him lose his ever-lovin' mind.

Merry Christmas and Happy Dutch Ovens.

Can I make them MORE weird?

This is an open solicitation on your thoughts about homeschooling. No, I haven't been drinking (yet).

Amazing.

The Pentatonic Scale - the great equalizer. It is a musical scale with five pitches per octave as compared to the major scale which is made up of seven distinct notes.

I love learning new things, especially when God is revealed in the knowledge



Thanks Megan!

Using ALL my fingers...

Today is our 10 year wedding anniversary. I spent some of the day thinking about what I would do differently knowing what I know now. I wouldn't use that caterer who only spoke Latvian. I wouldn't have penciled in my already dark eyebrows. I would rethink the dress and definitely the shoes. I would have asked my brother to not bring that date. I would not have had that spare cooler stocked with beer under the groomsmen's table. I would've known that I shouldn't hire the guy with the navy limo. I would have paid more for the pictures and less for the flowers. I wouldn't hire an ex-boyfriend to be the DJ.

But one thing I would never ever change was the man I married. God is good. He has spared me from myself and blessed me with Gary as a partner in this life. It would take me forever to list his attributes and all that he is to me, and we have PLANS tonight... but for fits and giggles I thought I would leave you all with some pictures - 10 years later:


Yeah baby - it still fits (AND I'm bloated)!

She wanted to wear the 'leg thing' but she settled for the veil...

Sniffing Glue

Okay, it's only Elmer's School Glue, but it can make little girls sooooo happy.



Livi and her friend Gracie (Leah's daughter) spent Saturday together and we started in on some Christmas crafts. The foam angels are a wee bit dopey, but the Christmas Trees with button ornaments were a hit.

All that was needed was a pre-cut tree from Michael's (50 cents), some green paint, brown paint, lots of buttons and, of course, the Elmer's glue.


Didn't you just love doing stuff like this when you were 5? Let me know if you have any good easy craft ideas. (Um, and I don't sew or do scrapbooking, so I do mean EASY!)

It's the last day of November and...

We got elfed!

Happy Turkey Day

Our demonstration of what NOT to do after your big meal...

I am so very thankful for my little turkies. Actually I meant turkeys. That would be the proper plural. (Leah...)

Just Desserts

So a few days ago Gary had sent me a news article about the most expensive dessert in the world. It costs $25,000. Plus tip.

Ridiculous on so many levels - I won't even go there (gluttony, materialism, how many students sponsorships that would be...). But what I did find as gut-busting funny was that 3 days later I came across this follow up item:

Popular NYC Eatery Shut Down For Rodents
NEW YORK - While serendipity may be the art of finding pleasant things by chance, what health inspectors found at celebrated eatery Serendipity 3 was not very agreeable.

Officials closed the restaurant Wednesday night after it failed its second inspection in a month. An inspector spotted a live mouse and mouse droppings, fruit flies, house flies and more than 100 live cockroaches.

"Both inspections revealed rodent and fly infestation and conditions conducive to pest infestation, including stagnant water in the basement," the department said.

People stand in line for hours outside the Manhattan restaurant, known for its extravagant and expensive desserts. Its $25,000 Frrrozen Haute Chocolate features top-grade cocoa, edible gold and shavings of a luxury truffle and was declared the most expensive dessert in the world by Guinness World Records. The eatery also offers a $1,000 sundae named Golden Opulence requiring 48-hour advance notice.

Calculating the Risks

Would you fight and work for something if you thought you wouldn't win?


I highly recommend this latest post from the Livesay Tribe - missionaries in Haiti. It has a great song by Sara Groves too.

"The concept of fighting ONLY when you think you can win is one of the things that strikes us --- if everyone only did what seemed like a probable win ... well, that would rule out a whole heck of a lot of things -- it is worth losing over and over again because sometime in some small way there will be victory ---and even if the victories are few and far between ... it is worth it."

16 down

314 to go.


Three Angels Christian Academy needs School Sponsors. The commitment is $27 a month. Everything is automatic and done online. Couldn't be easier. I can send you a brochure if you would like or you can visit the website to learn more.

To make it interesting - what else costs $27? I'll start:

• A movie date with my husband with small popcorn . (Tickets are $10.50 out here people!)
• LEGO Star Wars Naboo N-1 Starfighter with Vulture Droid (that is Calvin's entry)
• A pedicure with tip but without the sandpaper treatment for my calluses.
• "You on a Diet" book that I really need to read.
• A case and a half of Celebration Ale (that is Gary's entry)
• This REALLY cute sweater at The Gap. Okay - actually that is 2 months worth...
  
• 7.8 Gallons of gas - have you SEEN the prices lately!
  

Your turn!

Big day in the Hoffmann House

Today my daughter read her first book all by herself. I am bloated with pride!

The Obligatory

...Halloween post:

(guess which one is Cal's)

Throwin' a bone to the G-force out there

I must apologize to the Grandparents for not posting more pictures of my own children lately. Here are some recent ones to tide you over!

Oh yeah, and one of Gary that I found in his parent's old house!

Who does he look like???

New Favorite

The following quote by Theodore Roosevelt was posted as a response to an article written about the Indiana families adopting through Three Angels Children's Relief. I wanted to highlight it here for my partners in crime.

When the doubters, the nay-sayers, the complainers and the 'why-aren't-you-doing-this' comments start weighing heavily, just come back and read this doozy:


"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

"Citizenship in a Republic,"
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910

Not sure it is entirely theologically sound, but it sure seems to make sense!

Dress for Success

Since our church is focused on Living on Mission within our own community and culture, I though it would be helpful to post these guidelines written by our favorite Missionaries in Haiti, Angela and Carsen. I'll be embracing this wisdom as I tackle the front lines at the Valencia Mall.

"How to Dress Like A Missionary"

• Please wear a long skirt.
• If a long skirt is not available, you may consider wearing a dress underneath your tee shirt.
• Please wear a conservative top - keep your straps under wraps.
• Sandals are acceptable. However, as you never know what terrain you may come across, you may be more comfortable in tennis shoes.
• To keep your hair cool and off your neck, you may consider the french braid, a simple but elegant hair-do. A bun high on the head is an acceptable alternative.
• To identify yourself as a Christian a cross necklace can help bridge the language barrier.
• Carrying a bible may also be useful in case of emergency conversion issues.
  
• Please see attached photo for further explanation!

Well...

What would YOU pack if you had to fit everything you wanted to own in the back of a minivan?

(yes - I won't forget the children...)

Waiting to be evacuated as I type this.

Gary did a live report from our roof for KFI. I kinda think that's pimping out our peril for the sake of good radio...

Fierce Fires

This is a picture of the Malibu Presbyterian Church than burned to the ground yesterday. Indeed, it does feel like the end times around Southern California. The sun was blood red yesterday from all the smoke and haze. School was canceled today. Homes have been evacuated. The winds are gusting up to 70 mph which is spreading hot ash and embers resulting in more fires. There is NO humidity and it will be almost 100 degrees today. It is hot as H-E-double hockey sticks.

In Malibu the old Castle on the hill has burned down as well - but I love this quote I read in the LA Times today:

The castle belonged to Lilly Lawrence, the daughter of a former Iranian oil minister. She said she was able to gather a few things before the fire engulfed her home, including some jewelry and memorabilia that included Elvis Presley's Army fatigues.

She didn't seem too worried about losing most of her belongings in the fire.

"My parents taught me not to allow my possessions to posses me," Lawrence told KABC-TV. "So, that's the story. The house is a house."

She was able to say that about her castle - I hope I would be able to say that about my condo!

Please pray for our firefighters - they are all working on no sleep and with zero percent containment at this point. Please pray that these crazy warm winds die down. Please pray for safety. I can't imagine this air is good for the elderly or asthmatic... it hurts to breathe.

MORE PHOTOS

A Question for All you Lurkers

First, a little background:

My friend, we will call her Madame L, recently joined me on a trip to Three Angels and sent me this email a few days after we returned:

"How do you do it? How do you switch gears when you come home to 16 loads of laundry and, in my case, 4 whining kids who all of the sudden seem so darn ungrateful? My son actually told me today that he was starving to death, very dramatically I should add. It had been a whole 5 hours since he had eaten, and he has probably told me the same thing a hundred times before, but I wanted to throw him across the room this time. Instead, I gave him a short lecture on what starving to death actually might look like. Thinking about it, I realized how little the kids at the orphanage actually demanded. No one asked for juice every 5 minutes; they settled for a cup of water. No one complained about the food...I get to hear, "chicken again...I don't want chicken." All they asked for was a little attention and physical touch. As you can see, I'm having a little difficulty switching gears myself."

Sidenote: Honestly, I don't do it very well. The first week back is hard. I pretty much cry every day. Mostly from the overall stress and the overwhelming task lists, but there is usually one or two 'clinchers' every trip. This time I cried over a family that dissolved before my eyes and wondered how God was going to work it out. And I cried over a 2 year old girl that I held who didn't weigh more than 15 pounds. But hey, usually by day 4 I can pull it together enough to leave the house. (I just tell people I contracted pink-eye)

The transition back into suburbia isn't helped when my children seem extra ungrateful and churlish. My son, like Madame L's, often tells me he is STARVING! "Mom, we are out of Golden Grahams and I'm so hungry I can't stand it. I'm starving!" Seriously?!

Which brings me back to the original question I wanted to pose:

Is it unwise for me to show my almost-8-year-old son what starving really looks like? Too traumatic? Inappropriate? Will he be calling Dr. Phil when he is 17 and manorexic? I was thinking of printing out the following picture and laminating it to be used as a placemat for a certain redhead I know.

(and this was one of the more tame pictures)

Feedback?

Eye of the Needle

These are just some of the pictures from my last trip. I am so thankful to be able to share this experience - it can be difficult to explain to those who haven't been there. The people of Haiti have had an incredible impact on my perspective. I'm sure my friends will agree that you can never see things the same way again. Thanks for coming with me!



Hey please, just believe in me
Don't lose your hope so easily
Because passing through the eye of a needle
Isn't as easy as it sounds
For those like me

Nothing short of miracles
Can save a small and dying world
That offers no apologies
To lay their hopes and dreams asleep
But pray the Lord their goal to keep
But I still got a soul in me

-brandi carlile

A follow-up.

This is a little glimpse of what I mean:

A word on Three Angels and our employees.

There may be cultural differences and things we don't understand or that are frustrating. But these children are cared for by women who sing hymns and pray with the children. They work long hours for little pay. They have hard lives that many of us can't even begin to comprehend. How many times have I 'needed a break' from my own children after just a few hours of hyperactivity or bickering (and I only have 2 to deal with).

Are there things that could be improved? Yup. Is this a young organization with many things to learn? Uh-huh. Would I want my own child to be raised in this environment? Nope.

But do I understand how things are at other orphanages in developing countries? Absolutely. And I rest in the fact that we will improve, we will mature and we are providing the best possible Christian home we can. We are working within the constraints of a Haitian culture and an incredibly small budget and minimal manpower.

I praise God for our employees and the people who are willing to encourage and assist. I pray for protection against those who choose to tear down and criticize. I have heard that if you are not helping you are hurting. I like that saying.


Thank you to Leah who gave all of our nannies little gift bags of hand lotion and lip gloss. I pray that the love and attention people bring down for our children is also given to the people who take care of them day in and day out.

Fun with You-You

Our newest little girl has discovered the joy of living with You-You.

I dare you to find another who loves as she does. The individual attention she gives is invaluable. She prays for the children, she tends to them, does homework with them, lovingly disciplines. She shows them who Christ is every single day.

Skidmarks

... can be found somewhere other than the freeway if you know what I mean.

If you think this is bad you should see the other guy!


Gary totaled our trusty little Civic today driving home from work. Amazingly, he and the 3 other people involved were not hurt at all. We are thanking God for protecting him. For the non-SoCal crowd, going 65 and being spun backwards and sideways across lanes of I-5 usually does NOT turn out well in LA. Gary has covered stories of wrecks like these.

We are also very curious as to how God will work it out so we can afford to buy another car! Jehovah Jireh baby!

In Memoriam

Today there was a death in the family.

Before any of you rain all over me for idolatry or gripping too tightly to material things... please let me explain.

I loved my mP3 player. Truly. She may not have been the prettiest Pink shiny iPod or have all the latest features like video or high-capacity play. In fact, she was humbly selected from the refurbished bin on Amazon in the under $50 crowd.

She was knicked from many drops, the indicators were on the blink. I had to dig a fingernail into the side to advance the tracks. The display was almost unreadable from the scratches. She even had a slight odor to her that smelled suspiciously like my socks and a soldering iron.

But she was a gem. She was my friend and I will miss her.

She let me sweat all over her as she was lovingly clipped to the inner-waistband of my running shorts. Other than my husband and my OBGYN, nobody has been that close to me.

We covered miles and miles together. She was instrumental in my spiritual growth as I loaded hours and hours of sermons and lessons onto her trusty digital back. She was a mule - burdened by my music and my learning and never complaining. All she asked of me was to be wiped clean now and then and to be given a new battery every month.

She had seen more than 5 pairs of running shoes and countless earbuds come and go like fickle friends. She had witnessed my hysterical laughter at stuff my husband had snuck on her when I wasn't looking. She kept my secrets that I muttered aloud to God on the back trails when we were alone. She witnessed me cry as I let the stress come and over-take me in our private moments. She was spectator to my embarrassment as I was caught unaware warbling loudly and off-key to Coldplay.

Alas, I am in mourning. We cannot afford the indulgence of an iPod right now. Even another discount player is currently an expense we cannot justify in light of those who need more than us. Besides, there was a history, and a smell, that will be difficult to replace. So unless the mP3 Fairy arrives on my birthday (10/10), there will be a deep and lonely void.

May she be taken to a better place. With less sweaty B.O. and less jostling from a mildly-overpronating runner. May she be forever loaded with the messages of God's word and worship to Him. Amen.

I saw, I know, I can't deny it

Thank you to the Livesay Tribe

Picture Day

Those people at Lifetouch have a real racket going on... we have about 2 or 3 different picture days throughout the school year. UGH!

You can purchase 'picture packages' that range from the $13 "Mommy doesn't love Me" group (1 5x7 and 2 2x3s, no wallets) to the ridiculous $77 "Narcissist-in-Training" package (36 pounds of prints and keychains and bookmarks and magnets).

I told my kids they can dress how they want for the photo shoot. Livi chose a lovely little dress with big black kinder-kickin' boots. She also requested 'church' hair.

Calvin opted for regular attire but said his accessory was going to be the infamous eye-cross. Hope they don't stick like that....


Perhaps I should pay the extra $6.50 for 'retouching'...

Word of the Week

log·or·rhe·a /ˌlɔgəˈriə, ˌlɒgə-/ Pronunciation[law-guh-ree-uh, log-uh-]
1. pathologically incoherent, repetitious speech.
2. incessant or compulsive talkativeness; wearisome volubility.
—Related forms

log·or·rhe·ic, adjective

How I wish I had audio of my daughter this afternoon. She is in a very logorrheic phase and I am quite certain she has completely lost her ability to quiet her mouth. Whether singing, singing backwards, singing nonsense, practicing her southern accent (our babysitter is from Alabama and she loves to mimic her) or simply saying a word 15 different ways - the girl cannot quit. Today her favorite thing to repeat was 'Autobiography'. If I timed it correctly it went on for 8 solid minutes.

I have been told to be thankful, because there will come a day when she will walk in from school, not utter a word and retreat to her room until food is served.

But my ears throb, and I dare say one eardrum may be bleeding. Perhaps the main reason I like the word logorrhea so much is that it sounds like diarrhea. Grandpa's favorite expression was "That girl's got a wicked case of diarrhea of the mouth."

It is almost an Onomatopoeia (that is our next word class)

logorrhea diarrhea logorrhea diarrhea logorrhea diarrhea logorrhea diarrhea

Haitian Song

Check out this gorgeous footage from Karen Kramer's documentary "Haitian Song."

This rural Haiti is far echo from the Port au Prince of today. But the beautiful hard-working, hard-living people remain. That such a spirit of joy can be found in the midst is a gift from God.

The song on the video is "Haiti" by Arcade Fire.

When I think I'm doing just fine thank you

Too often I forget just how pervasive my sin is, especially in light of the perfection of who God is. The following has helped me to remember how the curse has permeated every area of my life. Sorry to bring the room down today, but I challenge you to read this without thinking of how it applies to someone else, but how it applies to us each individually... for ALL have sinned and fall short.


Holy and righteous God, we confess that like Isaiah, we are a people of unclean lips. But it is not only unclean lips we possess. We are people with unclean hands and unclean hearts. We have broken your law times without number, and are guilty of pride, unbelief, self-centeredness and idolatry. Affect our hearts with the severity of our sin and the glory of your righteousness as we now acknowledge our sins in your holy presence.

We have had other gods before you
We have worshipped and served the creature rather than the creator.
We have sought satisfaction in this world's pleasures rather than in You.
We have loved to praise our own glory more than yours.

We have taken your name in vain.
We have prayed religious prayers to impress others.
We have uttered your name countless times without reverence or love.
We have listened to others use your name in vain without grieving.

We have murdered in our hearts.
We have often destroyed our neighbor with our tongues.
We have been quick to uncharitably judge others.
We have considered revenge when we were sinned against.


We have committed adultery with our eyes.
We have loved temptation rather than fighting it.
We have lusted after unlawful and immoral pleasures.
We have justified our lusts by using the world as our standard.

We have stolen what is not ours and coveted what belongs to others.
Our lives overflow with discontent, ungratefulness, and envy.
We have complained in the midst of Your abundant provision.
We have sought to exalt ourselves through owning more.

We have lied to You and to others.
We have told distorted truths, half-truths, and untruths.
We have despised the truth to make ourselves look better.
Even in our confession, we look for ways to hide our guilt.

O God, we have sinned against your mercy times without number. We are ashamed to lift up our faces before you, for our iniquities have gone over our heads. If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? How shall we answer you? We lay our hands on our mouths. We have no answer to your righteous wrath and just judgment.

We have no answer. But God Himself has mercifully provided one for us.

I wish I could remember who to credit this to, but it has been tucked in my notebook and well worn. I guess I can add the sin of plagiarism to the list...

First Day of Kindergarten and 3rd Grade

It could have gone better, it could have gone way worse...

Happy Birthday Liv!

One of my specific prayers for my children has been that they are surrounded by good friends who help them down the right path. God is good.

My daughter is 5 today and it almost breaks my heart. We weren't so sure about her when she first arrived. Livi seemed to just cry... a LOT. But we have since made up. She is hilarious and we love her immensley.

I am testing the waters here first.

I really, really, really want to post the following on the Three Angels website. Yet I am conflicted as to whether or not it would be considered too... snarky? ungrateful? cantankerous?

Your input is appreciated. Just not your Holiday Sweaters.

Things Three Angels does NOT need:
Fleece jackets, earmuffs, mittens, sweaters, thick footie sleepers, plush (i.e. disease bearing) animals or toys of any kind, video games and toys requiring batteries.


Thank you for your consideration.

(I'm a bit miffed that you cannot see their foreheads dripping with sweat. Okay - we actually 'staged' that - we misted them with water to try and get the effect of how HOT it is there. But note that You You had to bribe them with red vines to put those sweaters on!)

I dare you not to laugh.

Another completely random post...

Funny when a baby does it. Scary when that is me after the end of a hard day.

A Gouda will do Ya

I don't know what is wrong with me.

I love cheese.

No. I mean I really love it. I'm eating it all the time. Right now, I think if I could I would dip my body into a tub of it.

And then I just spent 5 minutes thinking of how my sanctification resembles the cheese process.

Something is terribly wrong.

Maybe I need to pee on a stick. (you ladies know what i mean...)

Stress does funny things to me.

The Incredible Disappearing Boy

I have made a heartbreaking observation.

My son is invisible to others.

When he was a baby and a toddler, people would often stop us and remark on his hair or how cute he was or how articulate he seemed to be. It truly seemed like we couldn't go anywhere without being stopped and gushed upon. But now that he is 7, almost 8, he barely registers on other's consciousness unless he is being naughty or obnoxious.

Then I realized that this seems to be true of almost all other young boys I see. No wonder they fall into trouble. They are in the gap and the shadows.

Babies are cute. Toddlers are funny. But after that... what happens? Doesn't it seem like they don't register until they are teenagers and 'look like trouble'?

Because my son is so entirely competent I forget how much he still really needs me. He doesn't need me to make his breakfast or tie his shoes or wipe his rear. He can spend hours on his own reading or creating a new Lego masterpiece. But he does still need me and his dad to listen to him, to hear what he has to say. Doesn't he? He does still need to know that this world sees him and that he matters and can have an impact. Right?

So do me a little favor... the next time you see a 7 year old boy in the grocery store, please stop and remark at what a smart/funny/ _____ boy he must be. Look him right in his blue marble eyes. Let him know he is not invisible.

Our Weekend

Gary's parents have a wonderful place in Paso Robles that we get to escape to every now and then. Cal and Livi love running through the corn, swinging from the big oaks, digging in the dirt and shooting dad's old BB gun. They also had fun kite flying, sleeping outside and getting really dirty! It is only made better when their cousins can join them!

Being home is going to seem a little boring this week in comparison...

Whispering Truth

This poem is from a wonderful blog I discovered this afternoon: Everyday Miracle - her writing is rich and fantastic. I'm posting this for all of my friends who are, or have, adopted their own sweet, brown baby girls in every shade and size...

You are heroes to me.

Beads, Braids, and Truth - by Sherri Gragg

Sweet, brown baby girls of every shade and size,
Wrapped safely in cocoon and nest of home.
Mommies know it can not last,
One day they will explore all alone.

Baby girls can’t stay forever.
The big, wide world will call,
And time’s bittersweet work will change,
Sweet brown girls one and all.

A caterpillar does not stay,
Always snuggled in cocoon,
She emerges as a butterfly,
Changed all too soon.

The smallest bird of soft down and bright eye,
Will one day spread her wings,
Leaving behind safe shelter,
Finding her song to sing.

And baby girls must fly as well,
Into the world they must go.
So, Mommies, while they can,
Whisper truth while they braid, bead, and bow.